Did Sloppy Self-Help Turn George Sodini Into a Cold-blooded Murderer?

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“It’s easy for me to hide from my emotions for one more day”. This is how the YouTube video starts.

George was a very lonely guy. He decided that he needed help meeting women. In order to accomplish that he decided that the best way to do that was to enroll in a seduction seminar. I personally don’t care if someone does that. Lots of people need help learning how to attract the opposite sex. I think this is true of both men and women. My problem is with these so-called seduction gurus offering self-help advice or therapeutic advice that they are absolutely not qualified to do.

What really gets me is that most of these seduction gurus are so psychologically damaged themselves. Just read the book The Game by Neil Strauss. It gives you a peek inside of this fantasy world of very depressed and very damaged people that claim to teach seduction. Yet these same people think that they are qualified to tell someone methods of self-help.

I understand the desperation that some people feel when dealing with this area of their lives. It drives them to do stupid things that they would never do in any other area. If you went to your dentist and his teeth were rotting out of his head would you ask them for a advice on dental hygiene? Of course not. Would you ask your plumber how you should wire your house? Of course not. Would you ask for safe driving tips from someone whose car was dented on every corner? Of course not!

“Take a long drive in my car, listened to some music, daydream, or just do some mundane task around the house, that really doesn’t need to be done and there you go one more day and one more day turns into one more year”

George would run away. He ran away for years. He would do anything to try to suppress the emotions that he was having. The problem with that is that those emotions are always still there. They just wait for the moment when your guard is down then they pop up all over again. In the beginning this is not a problem. If you’re just trying to hold down one in emotion is very easy to suppress. As time goes on something else might crop up when you try to suppress that as well. Two emotions might be manageable to suppress. The problem with this strategy is that over a period of years you could end up trying to suppress hundreds of emotions and that is not possible. Sooner or later something is going to give.

“My objective is to be real and to learn to be emotional and to be able to emotionally connect with people because when I’m 10 or 20 years older than she is she has to feel good about this thing and perhaps stem exercises or forgiveness exercises”.

Here we have the problem. After years of suppressing his emotions George wants to be able to be emotional and connect with people. It is a recipe for disaster. That disaster happened a few days ago when George went into a local gym and shot 15 women. Three of them died.

I don’t know George’s entire history. I don’t know if he ever sought professional help of any type. I can only base my opinion on what I’ve seen so far in the words that came out of George’s mouth. I’m not even sure what stem exercises or forgiveness exercises that he’s talking about.

What I am sure of is the result. The result is that George received some really bad advice about how to handle his emotions. He was never able to truly connect emotionally with people. That allowed him to shoot 15 people with almost no emotion whatsoever. Then it allowed him to shoot himself.

Years and years of suppressing emotion made the act of going in to an aerobics class and shooting 15 women seem like an acceptable idea. It made the act of committing suicide seem like an acceptable idea. In another video George is seen sitting at a seminar where it gets drilled into his head from a seduction guru that “the nice guy must die”. Could it have been this one piece of advice was what drove George over the edge. Without the moral obligation to be nice he no longer had any boundaries whatsoever. When you add his desperation, loneliness and frustration to the idea that he no longer had to be nice you have a recipe for the perfect sociopath. If you go on YouTube and search for his videos you will see a guy has almost no emotion left in him.

“I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girl friend was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don’t even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO god damn person will tell me what it is.”

That was a blog entry from July 20, 2009. The entries after this talk about his plan and how he going to practice his routine for murdering these women. Another entry talks about how he talks to his neighbor who was in a really good mood and how that was a mistake because you need to stay focused on what he wanted to do.

Over the past few days I’ve been trying to figure out why this event has been troubling me so much. Early in my career I did some guests presentations at some seduction seminars. What I was teaching was how to connect with women and all people. Every once in a while I would run into somebody and I could see that they have the same mindset as George. The fact that the marketing of many of these seduction gurus seems to tap into and take advantage of guys who are lonely and depressed is very troubling to me. The marketing suggests that if you get sex then you will be happy.

Anytime you depend upon any one other person or event to define your happiness you are setting yourself up for a fall. Guys like George think that if they only had a woman then they would finally find all the happiness that has been eluding them for so long. The reality is that it even if they found a woman that they would only be happy for a very short time. Then they would realize that a woman is not what’s going to make them happy and that they have to work on themselves first or they run out and find another woman.

Even if some of these guys get into relationships they tend to be very short-lived because no one wants to be the one thing that makes somebody else happy. No one wants that kind of pressure. The truth is that if you are already happy you will be much more attractive to other people.

This is not what these seduction seminars promote. They actually promote the opposite. They make finding a woman and having sex but one thing that you need to be focused on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I have seen e-mails from guys who go out every single night no matter what with this one goal. Their lives become so focused on this one thing that everything else in their lives falls completely apart.

Happiness starts with you.

Apparently George was never given this advice. If he was given this advice he ignored it. I have given this advice to many people and have had them ignore it so I know that it happens.

“There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO god damn person will tell me what it is”

When I read this I imagine that if just one person would’ve sat down with George and explain to him what was wrong that I would not be writing this article today. Three women would be alive. George might actually be happy.

To be fair I’m not sure George ever actually asked anybody. It’s hard for me to imagine that this plea for help was the very first time that he was asking for an explanation for why things weren’t working out for him.

As I think about it I think that the thing that troubles me the most about George and what he did is that I know with the right advice he could have been helped. I know with the right advice and guidance there would be three women today who would be alive who are not.

I also know that there are thousands of guys out there who participate in this “seduction community ” who have the same potential to do what George did. I know that’s going to upset a lot of people but at this point I just don’t care.

Thousands of guys are being told that the most important thing in life is to get laid. Today even as you read this thousands of guys are being taught how to devalue women so that they will be able to talk to one. Even as you read this thousands of men are being taught how to turn women into objects instead of how to look at them as people.

In my opinion this was a time bomb that was going to go off sooner or later. I have been warning the seduction gurus about this for over 10 years. Not one of them ever believed me. I really wish I were wrong.

So why am I writing this? I guess I’m writing this to bring up something that no one is talking about. The old saying is that everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. That elephant is that much of the “seduction community” is giving advice that is incredibly damaging. If you add that to somebody who is already in a fragile condition is not only damaging but it is irresponsible.

I want people to know that they need to work on themselves first. You need to straighten out your life so that happiness becomes a possibility that can naturally occur instead of having to wait for happiness until you find somebody else to give that responsibility to. I want people to know that there’s nothing more attractive than someone who is happy with themselves.

People who feel good about themselves have no problem talking to the opposite sex. This applies to both men and women.

I don’t care what method you use to start yourself down the path of feeling good about yourself. I can give you a couple of guidelines to help you make that decision.

Number one, don’t use any method that artificially suppresses emotion.

Number two, don’t use any method that artificially amplifies a good emotion in order to suppress a bad emotion.

Number three, find a method that fits your personality. Don’t let somebody force something on you that does not feel natural.

Number four, insist on results. If you don’t see results with what you’re doing make sure that there is some place that you can ask questions and get answers.

Like I said, I don’t care what method you use. You have to realize that change begins with you.

Making a woman, car, job, money or anything else your pathway to happiness is a huge mistake. If you belong to any list or had any product that leads you into thinking in this way at all SEND IT BACK. I don’t care to get a refund. These guys were giving terrible advice need to get a message that is no longer acceptable to take advantage of those who are lonely and desperate by selling them the idea that banging women will make them happy.

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Source by Tom Vizzini